i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
