i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...