Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done