Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
