you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
