i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
