Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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