im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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