Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
