all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
