You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I wear drunk well.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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