Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
