just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
