listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm really busy with my period
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