I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
