Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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