I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
