Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
