just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
