somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
