This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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