I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You may now shotgun with the bride
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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