i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
