i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
