We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
