you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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