Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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