I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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