I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You're breaking my sexual little heart
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize