Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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