this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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