the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize