She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
