I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
