well I can't set my house on fire every night
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
