once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Im just a social blackout drinker.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
