So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
