I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
