you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
