I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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