Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
