Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
