bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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