Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
