ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
