So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
