If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
