On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize