I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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