Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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