Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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