I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I wear drunk well.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
