Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
