i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
