dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
