never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
