weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
