well I can't set my house on fire every night
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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