I want to walk on stilts...naked
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
