So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
